Public Speaking, Nightmares Come True

Now, I don't have a problem with public speaking, per say... I have done my fair share of it, in front of large groups of people. However, it all depends on the subject matter. If it's a subject that I am enthusiastic and well-informed about, then all is well. However, I have this class at university this year that is terribly elitist. It's very interesting, but the whole semester I have felt like a small child who stumbled into her parents meeting, or possibly a person who cannot swim, who has just fallen off a bridge.

Anyways, we had to give a 15 minute presentation on a topic we were researching, then stand through 10 minutes of questions and challenges. All well and good, my presentation went fine (thank you Power Point!) However, once we hit the questioning, my ship started to sink. The questions were actually pretty easy, but I just clammed up. And as soon as I clam up it's over. I remember looking into my mind for an answer, and all I could see was a blank wall. I began to stutter, and the more embarrassed I got, the redder my face turned, until I must have looked like a mumbling tomato. I could tell the class was starting to feel sorry for me, and as I looked around I saw pity in their eyes. Some looked at me with half smiles, and encouraging looks, silently wishing me along, others asked me some easy questions so I would have an out and be able to save my dignity. But alas, the vicious ball had started its rolling, and my presentation was not to be saved. Finally the professor, with his encouraging and pitying smile, allowed me to sit.

Burning with shame, I made my way back to my seat. All I could wish was magically, for a flask of whiskey or vodka to appear in front of me, so I could take several long swigs, and then ram my head repeatedly against the desk.

Why wasn't I given the gift of the gab?

That was and is my worst fear realized. Not public speaking, but public speaking about something I don't know about. Then being torn apart.